The Sala-Blog

Whilst still waiting for a friend to record some backup vocal harmonies to finish the full-length singer-songwriter album born of this year's February Album Writing Month, the (mostly) instrumental electonica-esque EP born from that process is now on my website for free download.

Named after my favorite childhood Doctor Who storyline, the Robots of Death  is a mostly groove oriented collection of 6 songs. I'm pretty confident that if you've liked any of my instrumentals in the past, you'll dig a couple of these songs. And if not, hey, it only cost you a little bit of time, but not one single dime.

Stream or download all six tracks at http://michaelsalamone.com/mp3-downloads/the-robots-of-death-ep-2012/

And it got a bunch of Favorites, and a few re-tweets.  Which ain't bad for a nobody like me.

Thanks, internet. I like you, too.

I've decided that since I post the music on my FAWM.org site once it's recorded, that any more blog posts here about my 2012 FAWM experience will just be about the experience itself.  If you're really interested, not that you should be, you can hear the songs, and read notes about and lyrics from each one at

http://fawm.org/fawmers/michaelsalamone/

My system this year means that I'll likely be recording in bulk, and uploading in bulk. So if you are for some reason interested, I'd say it's safe to assume checking back weekly will be suffice.

OK. Time to put the headphones back on and play with digital guitar effect simulators and try to make myself sound much more rock and roll than I actually am.

Big love.

Here's another song I'm working on for FAWM.  It tries to combine some of the big orchestral synth and chimes stuff I've used in electronica, with a sort of indie rock ballad, based around some napkin poetry about a crazy person. 


http://michaelsalamone.com/Clarissa Takes a Fall.mp3

So, I've been doing FAWM again this year, and I've mostly 7 written, and mostly recorded. That means I'm nearly to the half-way point, which is good since it's nearly 2 weeks in already.

I'm doing it a little differently this year, trying to treat it more like a traditional album. Write them, track them, mix them, in handfuls.

I'm ready to start releasing some rough mixes.  Here's one that I asked Facebook friends to submit words or short phrases that would fit with the question, "Are you?"  I thought it would be funny, but most of the suggestions ended up being fairly serious, so it turned into a rock anthem of sorts.


http://michaelsalamone.com/I have a hundred questions about you.mp3

I wasn't going to do February Album Writing Month this year.  I felt like we had a good thing going with the every other year thing.  But, I started tooling around with instruments on the 1st, and have rough sketches of 4, maybe 5 songs.  So.... It looks like I'm in.  I suppose that I haven't polluted the internet with enough crappy songs yet.

Since I was a little too young to achieve my boyhood dream of being a writer for Johnny Carson, I've been using Twitter these last few years to make as many Carson-esque "How Bad Is It" jokes about the State of the Union during the half-hour before the broadcast. With the economy in the toilet, it just seemed like the right thing to do, and now it's become a tradition.

I just finished.  I hit 30 this year.  Two or three of them are actually funny.  These are the the one-liners for 2012:


My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so unproductive that it has it's own Twitter account.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so lame that Pauly Shore will star in the Lifetime Movie adaptation.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so degrated that it's shooting gonzo porn for drug money and sleeping with Charlie Sheen.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so disreputable that it will be the featured story on FOX & Friends tomorrow morning.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so needy that it texted you a dozen times after you left this morning.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so impaired that Nick Nolte is it's designated driver.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so tapped out that douche-bags have to wear it on their t-shirts.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so vacant that the pervy actor from Lost just married it.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so sagging that it has been confused with Hugh Hefner's ball sack.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so inadequate that it just bought a sports car.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so jittery that it's being counseled by Doctor Drew.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so apocalyptic that Tim Tebow actually got to talk to Jesus Christ.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so heavy that it keeps getting confused for New Jersey Governor Chris Christie.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so dreadful that the National Anthem is now produced by a dub-step DJ.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so substandard that it keeps getting confused for Romney polling numbers.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so emaciated that Abercrombie and Fitch have already signed it to a modeling contract.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so in the toilet that the Dave Mathews band has already dumped it on Chicago.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is such bad news that Bill Hader will play Dateline's Keith Morrison reveling in joy over it.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so terrible that it will be billed as Tyler Perry's State of the Union.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so substandard, that Rick Perry beat it in a Spelling Bee.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so disconnected that it only has one Facebook friend.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so raunchy, that even Herman Cain stopped sexually harassing it.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so unscrupulous, that it's doing business with Newt Gingrich.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so awful that it will be the first single on the next Nickleback record.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so without continuity that it must be part of DC Comics' New 52.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so disgusting that it's been confused with Ke$ha.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so obscene that Penn State won't do anything about it.

MY THANKS TO MY TWITTER FOLLOWERS WHO DIDN'T UNFOLLOW ME DURING THOSE 30 MINUTES.

Since the economy went to the toilet, it's become an annual tradition of mine to try and fire off as many Johnny Carson style "How Bad Is It?" one-line jokes on Twitter about the State of the Union in the 30 minutes before the President begins his address. Last year I hit 25.

It's also become a tradition for me to post the previous years the night before, to help me in my efforts not to repeat a joke from the year prior.  This is that post.

Follow me on Twitter @michaelsalamone tomorrow night during the half hour before President Obama takes stage for at least 25 new stupid jokes.  Or follow me all of the time for stupid jokes daily.  Or don't.  I don't need you to validate my need for telling stupid jokes.  Kidding. I actually do need that, very much.

Anyhow, here are the 2 previous years' attempts at the same challenge.


2011:

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so dreadful that it stinks like patchouli and listens to Dub-Step.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so petrifying that it must have had the same plastic surgeon as Heidi Montag.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so heavy, that it is based on a character from the novel PUSH by Sapphire.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so Grimm, that it's the muscle for the Fantastic Four. (for my fellow comic book nerds)

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is bankrupt, but like our own corporations, the Chinese seem to think we're too big to fail.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so disgusting that we've got less substance than Taco Bell "meat."

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so repulsive that it may as well be tattooed on Iggy Pop's wrinkling and sagging chest.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so diminished that it could be photographed from within Brett Favre's pants.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so polluted that you'd think we're a nation of smoking babies from India.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so battered, you'd think that it's been dating Chris Brown.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so jittery, it's like drinking a Trente sized coffee from Starbucks.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so shameful, that it makes MTV's adaptation of SKINS look like SESAME STREET.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so disappointing that my parents forgot to wish it a happy birthday this year too.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so far off-line that one would think that it's being run by the servers at Tumblr.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so busted that you may as well start calling it Snookie.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so fucked up that they found 3 cans of 4-Loko on it.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so terrible that Pittsburgh Steeler fans throw towels at it.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so unhealthy, that it has been named the new lead singer for Poison.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so decrepit, that a 24-year-old Playmate, Crystal Harris, plans to marry it.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so tragic, that Sarah Palin is deleting all of her tweets about it.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so nasty, that Charlie Sheen has it locked in a closet right now.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so abusive, that it plays quarterback for the Pittsburgh Steelers.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so vulgar, that it won't be asked back to host the Golden Globes again next year.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so tanked, that it could be confused with a golden-voiced drifter.

My fellow Americans, the #StateOfTheUnion is so criminal, it's sharing a cell with Bernie Madoff.


2010:

My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is so poor that it snuck in from Mexico.

My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is so unsatisfactory, it could be a Jay Leno punch line.

My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is so substandard that it will have to go to college in Florida.

My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is more bottomed out than Kim Kardashian.

My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is in such poor quality that it could have only been made in the United States.

My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is so careless, that it's FOX News' top story.

My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is so diseased, that even Paris Hilton won't sleep with it.

My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is so corrupt that the Supreme Court just gave it the same rights as a person.

My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is so substandard, John McCain asked it to be his running mate.

My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is so gross that Pamela Anderson just married it.

My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is weaker than Tiger Woods' wedding vows.

My fellow Americans, the State of the Union is more unstable than Lindsay Lohan and Andy Dick combined.